What tune for CPR?

The Great Highland CPR Beat-Off: Why the Bee Gees are officially ‘Too Slow’ 🕺🩺

We’ve all been there. You’re in the middle of a first aid course in Fort William, someone mentions “Stayin' Alive,” and suddenly everyone is hum-singing in a high-pitched falsetto while trying to pump a plastic torso. It’s a classic. It’s a standard.

But according to our latest office debate—which we’ve branded as "The Definitive Quantified Efficacy Analysis"—it’s also potentially a liability.

Now, full disclaimer before the medical journals come calling: This is not peer-reviewed scientific research. It’s the result of several pots of coffee, a whiteboard, and some very spirited "beat-matching" sessions in the Highland First Aid office. But behind the jokes, there is a serious point about how we perform under pressure.

📉 The “Stayin’ Alive” Trap (103 BPM)

The Bee Gees have been the poster boys for CPR for decades. At 103 BPM, they sit technically within the recommended 100–120 range. But here’s the problem with human nature: The Fatigue Vector. When you’re performing CPR, your arms start to feel like lead after about 60 seconds. Our "internal study" suggests that as you tire, your tempo naturally sags. If you start at 103 BPM, you have zero wiggle room. A 4% drop in energy and you’ve drifted below the critical 100 BPM floor. By the second chorus, you aren't "Stayin' Alive"—you're just moving too slowly to be effective.

🐘 The Contenders: From Elephants to Sharks

• Nelly the Elephant (105 BPM): A British staple, but she’s heavy-footed. Much like the Bee Gees, Nelly leaves you dangerously close to the "Sub-optimal cardiac force" zone once you’ve been pumping for a few minutes.

• Another One Bites the Dust (110 BPM): Rhythmic perfection, but as our chart shows, the "Grimness Index" is maxed out. We want survival, not a literal soundtrack for the alternative.

• Baby Shark (~115 BPM): Sonic simplicity? Yes. Flawless memory recall? Absolutely. But the psychological damage to the rescuer and any bystanders is irreversible. Proceed at your own risk.

🏆 THE EUREKA MOMENT: The 110 BPM “Goldilocks Zone”

After "rigorous" office analysis (and looking at the actual physics of getting tired), we have a winner. 110 BPM is the absolute sweet spot.

Ironically, our internal chart points toward ABBA’s “Dancing Queen” as the 110 BPM champion. While some music buffs will tell you she actually clocks in closer to 100, we’re sticking to the "Highland Standard" of 110 for the sake of the beat.

Why 110? It’s fast enough that even when you inevitably tire out and your pace starts to drop, you’re still landing safely above that 100 BPM minimum. It’s the perfect buffer. Plus, it has a "High Positivity Infusion" that keeps rescuer morale high while you’re working that "Cardiac Force Vector."

The Conclusion

If you’re out in the wilds of Oban or Fort William and need to keep a life-saving beat, don't settle for "acceptable-but-barely" force. Aim for 110. Be the Dancing Queen.